This Woman's Work
The absurdity of the alt-right fantasy workplace
I laugh when grown men claim that women need to quit their jobs and go back to being loyal, obedient tradwives. Oh, you really want us to leave the workforce? Well then who’s going to do all of the paid work we leave behind? Whether we’re talking about the labor of workplaces or the unpaid labor of homemaking, we women often do way more than our fair share. The men who feel entitled to servant wives probably suffer from illusions of competence that depend heavily on our mostly unseen labor. I forget that many have tricked themselves into believing that work magically completes itself while they’re busy yammering to each other about whatever. I forget because I haven’t worked with men in a couple years. And it’s been freaking glorious.
Most guys would crumple up and die after a couple hours in my workplace. The clothing resale shop is no joke. During a typical shift, my attention consistently gets pulled in multiple directions at once. I might start off sorting through three giant bins of someone’s used clothing, trying to quickly, efficiently, and thoroughly determine, “Is this still in style? Does it have stains? Does it smell okay?” The last two questions are easy to answer, but answering the first one took a lot of training! Before I get halfway through the first bin, I’ll probably have to check in some other sellers and check out some shoppers. The customer in front of you always comes first, even when you still have 2.5 bins left to sort. And that first buy with the three bins might be one of a dozen you sort throughout the day. You’ll also have to stop to let someone in the dressing room, because the girl on the floor is busy greeting someone at the front door. Then the phone rings. Then it’s time to process a return. And you still haven’t gotten through the first bin. That’s life in my workplace! We haven’t even touched the most uncomfortable tasks – like when you have to tell that one seller with all the bedazzled garments from 1996 that we don’t want any of their items. Never apologize, but also be nice about it. Invite them to bring different clothes next time. Ignore the embarrassment or outright devastation in their eyes. There’s no time for comforting them, you still have more bins to sort!
I might go through all these experiences several times before I even get to my lunch break. One must be very smart, quick, polite, and present to not lose one’s mind in my workplace. Imagine your average man having to do all that. Hahaha!
Is it any wonder our store doesn’t have any male employees? And it’s not just because we serve a predominantly not-male clientele. When I think back on guy coworkers from the bajillion other jobs I’ve had, many of them were way more into talking than doing. If you brought that energy to my workplace, the girls would murder you. When it’s busy at the resale shop, you gotta MOVE. I spent two hours of my last shift just running go-backs (taking unwanted garments from the dressing rooms back to their appropriate racks). You spend half your time just trying to find a path where you don’t have to climb over anyone to get the maxi dresses back to the other end of the store. Those hangers get heavy after a while, and sometimes the weight/cardio mix makes me dizzy. But it’s all gotta get done. Keep it moving!
I’m in awe of my supervisors in their early 20s who manage this ongoing chaos. I’m turning 49 next week and feel like I’ve only recently achieved the cognitive and emotional capacity to do this job well. They ace that part of the equation, plus they bring youthful energy and glamorous style. For real, they get manicures and carry designer handbags! Very elegant. I’m more like a weird aunt with a sunny disposition that outweighs her less stunning fashion choices and aversion to cosmetics. I contribute energy, calm, and an upbeat personality. I joke with the shoppers. I’m good at the feelings part of the job, which has always been my strong suit in coworker and customer relations.
How many men do you know who are good at reading the emotions of their colleagues and clientele, and responding with the appropriate level of humor, thoughtfulness, and attention? Hahaha!
When I think back on some of the obtuse, oblivious, and straight up lazy men I used to work with, I imagine the dead weight they’d bring to this work environment and cringe. I get so used to working with all these talented ladies that I forget how lucky we are to work with each other… until I have to deal with a terrible dude customer. To be fair, most men who come to our store are just fine. If anything, they seem a bit daunted by all the feminine energy. Sometimes they come with wives or girlfriends who patiently explain to them how to shop. “Wait until you have a bunch of things before you go try them on… When you’re done, you put what you don’t want on that rack over there.” Those guys look a little confused, but usually they take the advice and move about in an orderly fashion. They’re all good. The terrible ones are those who try selling to us and are absolutely affronted when we don’t want their pit stained t-shirts or shorts with pilling in the crotch. When a woman is told we’re not buying any of her things, she usually just looks a little embarrassed and tries to skedaddle ASAP. The people who get angry when we pass on all items are almost always men. “What?! I brought you guys some really good stuff!” yelled one man who brought a collection of pleated, thick-as-cardboard khakis covered in stains. Then he demanded we help carry his crap back to his car because he couldn’t handle his toddler and the boxes. I’ve seen women carry multiple bags with one arm while holding a baby in the other. And here’s this grown baby, telling me he can’t carry a box while minding a child who can walk.
Are we really supposed to believe that dudes like that are going to run workplaces without women? I mean, forget about the resale shop. Maybe when the alt-right forces all of us to quit our jobs and birth an army of babies, we won’t have any need for gently used business casual styles from Loft or Talbots. Maybe that’s when my store goes out of business. But what about all the other workplaces where women have been doing an outsized portion of the work? In my experience, men love taking credit for the functionality of those workplaces even when they contribute relatively little. Again, I think they’ve really tricked themselves into believing their own bullshit. Maybe they assume AI will take care of most everything and they’ll be able to handle the rest. I don’t foresee such a smooth transition into the MAGA ideal, because the fantasy is rooted in staggering delusions around their own competence.
No matter what happens, I look forward to having some laughs. This isn’t the most fun time to be alive. But watching the world’s worst people suffer from their hubris is always good for a chuckle.
